The Daily Commute

I'm a guest blogger on TransitHell.Com

2008-07-15T13:18:00.002-04:00

Please find all of my new posts there.

TransitHell.com

Chanel No CO338

2008-02-24T21:09:00.005-05:00

How much perfume does it take to be too much?

My friends recently told me a story that happened on their trip to Florida. A woman who was sitting next to another woman was being super sensitive to the perfume the other was wearing. Sensi-woman was so perturbed about the perfume that she had asked to get her seat moved. According to my friends, they didn't smell anything and it was obvious the sensi-woman was trying to be dramatic.

Last Thurday as I was on the train home, a woman behind me was wearing too much perfume ->To the point where my nostrils were burning, begging for reprieve. Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, I hear the familiar sound of a spray bottle. "OH NO SHE DIDN'T" I thought. Yes, she did. She has just added another layer to the horrible smell. Thankfully, I was close to being home.

What ever happened to a spritz or two? This is why I won't wear perfume on the train. It's just not fair to other people. When is enough - enough?

I paid for that seat - NOW MOVE

2008-02-20T21:39:00.005-05:00

No commuting for me last week - It was a trip to Key West!

I work hard but I play harder. After a terrible week at work, I boarded the train to Newark Airport and was on the first flight to Miami, Fl.

Since I was running a little bit late, I was one of the last people to get on the flight. This was fine for me since I didn't have to wait for the plane to arrive (It was also about 6:00 am) When I got on the flight, I noticed two girls in their early 20's giggling. One of them was in my very expensive window seat.

As I approached them, I could tell they had already sized me up. No makeup, hair in a ponytail, and in my comfy clothes. They, on the other hand, were in full armor with their acrylic nails, face paint, and Channel purses.

I asked them if they were in the correct seat. I was supposed to be in 7F. They just stared at me like I was from another planet. Finally, the one in the window seat huffed. I said, sorry hon, there is no way I'm trading a middle seat for a window. Apparently they had reshuffled a bunch of people to get that seat combo.

I finally get to sit in my perfect window seat and brunette screams to Blondie now sitting behind her. "At least SOME people are nice."

Next time when daddy pays for a plane ticket, make sure he confirms your seat BEFORE.

Shhh....Be Quiet.....Listen.

2008-02-12T12:17:00.002-05:00

I don't understand the point of cell phone ringers. All the phones that I have come in contact with all have a vibrate function. If your cell phone is on your belt or near you, why bother use the ringer? Do you really need the entire train to hear your ringtone for bootylicious?

The ride in today was a mashup of rings, songs, and beeping. I really don't understand the need for this unless you are at home and don't have the phone with you.

Why people -> WHY?

Breath, Breath, now HOLD!

2008-02-11T11:35:00.000-05:00

I do it without even realizing I'm doing it.

I have a system for not smelling my fellow commuters.

As I navigate through the trains, passage ways, subways, and stairs, I am assessing the best way to get through. Another thing that I do is determine how smelly the person walking in the opposite direction is and hold my breath until I feel it is safe to breathe again.

Generally, I do this to avoid smelling the homeless people or the super high maintenance rich woman that drown themselves in perfume. You also get accustomed to the high odor areas of the subways where the public bathrooms, aka break in the wall, are.

So for all of you out there-> Breath, Breath, HOLD will help maximize the time you can hold your breath.

Good luck!

American Idol this is not

2008-02-06T21:04:00.000-05:00

Tonight was karakoe night on the train. It was a pretty quiet train when all of a sudden I hear

"Drivin' that train

High on cocaine

Casey Jones you betterwatch your speed

Trouble ahead

Trouble behind

and you know that notion

just crossed my mind"

coming from behind me. The entire train turned around to look at the schmuck. Do you think he stopped? Nope...Just sang the same verse even louder.

Ha Ha..Funny one..You sang a song that references a train and being high.

Sigh...If looks could kill.

Thanks, Now can I have my seat back?

2008-02-04T21:37:00.000-05:00

Today I missed the train by a minute. That means only one thing -> Semi-express home.

The ride was pretty uneventful with standing room only until Metro Park. (Since I'm a pro, I have an inner two-seater) However, the train is almost completly empty afterward for the next three stops. Now at this point, I'm jammed against the window scrolling though my blackberry -> You would think that the guy next to me would spread out to the 20 empty three-seaters around us. Nope. He's just stays right next to me the entire time. He even had his own ticket.

Thanks Dude. I appreciate it.

Don't touch!

2008-02-03T12:02:00.000-05:00

If at all possible, I WILL NOT touch anything that comes in contact with me during the commute.

I avoid touching anything I can. During the winter, this is easier since I have gloves that put a nice barrier between me and the germ infested doors, handles, subway poles, railings, etc.

During the summer months this is a bit more tricky.

Holding the door open: Use back of wrist or elbow

Opening the already closed door: Pull sleeve down and open

Holding on in subway: Generally, I try to stand by the door so I can lean on it with my back.

Elevator button: bend finger and push with knuckle

Sometimes this can't be avoided and you will just have to go bear hand. A bottle of Purell and a good hand wash will do wonders.

At least - That's what I have to tell myself.

Subway Etiquette

2008-02-02T08:52:00.001-05:00

There are certain rules that apply when traveling on the NY Subway. Unfortunately, they never EVER get enforced or followed.

- Let the passengers get off BEFORE you try to get on the train. This is apparently a really hard concept for most to follow. Instead, people try to jam their way in and you are forced to barrel your way out of the car.

- Let little old ladies and pregnant woman have a seat. Yes, That means you Mr. in your 30's business man -> You will have to ACTUALLY stand for the 5 minute train ride.

- Wait your turn getting on the train. When you see that familiar headlight coming your way, that is not your cue to move to the head of the line and get on first.

- Any bag bigger than a Chihuahua should be at your feet. The giant bag you use for backpacking across Europe takes up space and is the reason my face is plastered into the armpit of the guy next to me. Please take it off.

-Rapping/Singing not necessary. It's not karaoke time and I really don't want to hear you wax lyrical.

-Ipod volume. If I hear Alicia Key's "No one” one more time on the subway, I'll jump on the third rail. I know it's hard to hear your music on the loud subway but keep it down a bit. Trust me-> your ears will thank me in 10 years.

-Getting up in a super crowed train before your stop. "Next Stop - 42nd street. Transfer is available to the 1, 2, A, C, E, Port Authority...." As soon as you hear this - You think, "WOW - I better plow my way through 100 people to get near the door." How about this... I'll move out the way when the train stops and I have more room to get around.

Walking through the subway station is another issue but as I said before that is a post for another day.

I'm my worst enemy

2008-01-30T10:00:00.000-05:00

I did the unthinkable. I can barely look at myself in the mirror. How could this have happened? After all that I have been through...

I'm sorry.

The other night after just sitting down on the train, I got a call from my boss to discuss a problem we had at work.

I am very anti-cell phone on the train unless it's the two second. "Hi Honey, I'm on my way home. Okay. Bye."

I tried to keep the conversation brief and I also tried to talk in the lowest voice possible but I got distracted and started contributing. The next thing I know, there is a conductor standing over me asking for my ticket. CRAP - I had to root through the purse (AKA the weapon of mass destruction below) get my wallet out, and show him the ticket. All the while the conductor is looking at me with disgust and impatience.

How could this have happened? I am usually SOOOO good.

I WILL be better. I promise!

Float like a butterfly, Sting like a bee

2008-01-28T12:03:00.001-05:00

My main goal getting to Work/Home: Get from point A to F the fastest, most efficient way possible.

A: Home
B: Train Station
C: Penn Station
D: Subway 1
E: Subway 2
F: Work

Or Vise Versa

There are a couple of ways I achieve this:

1) I speed walk everywhere I go. Now this is not as easy as you think it is. I actually draft like a speed skater or a bicyclist. I’m little compared to most people in NY. As I’m navigating the crowds I keep close behind someone bigger than me as I weave my way around. When I see a clearing – BAM – I’m out around them going for 1st place. This way, THEY get to break through the crowd. I’m just behind them in the wake.

2) I sit in the train/subway car where I know my exit will be. There is no walking to get to the stairs. I ensure that I will pop out at the exact spot I need to be.

3) I take the inside corner. Just like in car racing, the tightest circle wins the race.

4) Lighting fast reflexes. I’m trailing the 6ft tall business man-> CRAP -> He suddenly stops-> I have to quick jump to the side so I don’t go barreling into him.

5) Know the flow. I have adapted my skills to be keenly aware of the flow of traffic and how it might change. I anticipate and adjust as needed.

This all took rigorous training and years developing the skills but how many people can get to a 6:00 train at Penn from Park Ave leaving at 5:45? I can!!!

(Okay – I’ve missed it too but generally I’m on point)

The day I fought back.

2008-01-25T12:52:00.001-05:00

My weapon of mass destruction

I’m a lover not a fighter so it is very out of character for me to fight back. In fact, I have never been in a fight. Ever. (Um…Unless you count the ones with my husband :)

About two weeks ago I arrived at the New Brunswick station to a mass of people. Soon after I hear the familiar “Ding ding. Attention New Brunswick passengers. The 7:42 is operating 30 to 60 minutes late. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

About 45 minutes later a train shows up. The station manager encourages us to get on this train since she’s not sure when the next one would show up. The penguin shuffle then begins. We all manage to get in the train but at this time its standing room only. I was actually lucky to get to stand in the front of the car by the seats. There was no room to move. Frankly, I didn’t even have to hold on because I was practically doing the lambada with the person in front and behind me.

That’s where SHE appeared.

I heard the faint EEEXXX-CUSE ME (With full on attitude) coming my direction. People sighed and tried to get out of the way. I literally had no place to go and I said so to the woman.

That’s when it was ON like Donkey Kong.

Woman: “I want to get to the front.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t move. The train is packed. We all want to get to the front and we can’t.”

Woman: “You are not going to stop me from where I want to go”

She then shoved me to the side and I pretty much landed on the laps of my fellow commuters.

If I had hockey gloves, I would have thrown them off at this point.

As she continues to shove past me, I proceed to use my purse/laptop bag as a battering ram and jam it into her as hard as I can. (Which isn’t very hard.)

I had such rage inside of me and would have jumped on her and started the beat down if it wasn’t for my fellow commuters who had my back and proceeded to berate the woman.

THANK YOU GUYS!!!!

It was an uncomfortable ride to Newark but I made it through.

A girl can only be “pushed” so far.

Hey Hey - Ho Ho - Those nasty nail clippers have got to go

2008-01-24T13:34:00.000-05:00

In case you haven't realized it yet, the commuting hour is grooming time.

Now I'm okay with the occasional woman putting on her mascara or brushing her hair.

Nail clippers are the source of my rage.

Click, Click, Click as I dodge your nasty nail clippings headed my way. Words can not express how this sound bothers me. I rather listen to your nasty nails scratch a chalk board.

Since when is it okay to groom yourself in public?

Next time, DUCK-> my pelt of freshly waxed eyebrow is headed your way.

Line of Demarcation

2008-01-23T15:01:00.001-05:00

From Wikipedia:

"The Line of Demarcation was an imaginary longitude...to divide new lands claimed by Portugal from those of Spain... Territorial disputes between the two seafaring nations led the Pope to adjudicate in the hope that this would lead to peace between the two powers."

From Me:

"The Line of Demarcation is an imaginary line to divide the space one is allowed to take up on the seat. Territorial disputes between the two commuters led the NJ Transit Conductors to adjudicate in the hope that this would lead to peace on the train."

This "imaginary line" is not so imaginary. There is a bump on the seat in front of you to show where you should begin and where you should end. Two seaters are easier to obey the law of the land. Today I was on the window side of a three seater (See #4 in previous post) and could not propel my body and closer to the window without actually hanging out of it. The guy next to me apparently thought that his giant laptop needed more room to breathe and that elbowing me while typing was perfectly acceptable.

At least the train was on time...NOT.

The best seat in the house

2008-01-22T13:21:00.000-05:00

Not all seats are created equal. There is a definite hierarchy on which seat to choose and a weighted decision as you move up/down the isle.

Here are my choices:

1) Two seater - On right hand side of train - Window but with the glass separator not right next to me so the sun doesn't get me in the eyes

(The right side of the train b/c the train leans to the right severely by Metro Park and I don't want to run into the person next to me.)

2) Two seater - Left hand side of train - Window. I'll just hold on around Metro Park

3) Three seater - Right hand side of train - Window. It's a risk if it's crowed enough that someone will be in the middle but at least I can squish myself next to the window and pretend the nasty smelly breath man is not right on top of me.

4) Three seater - Left-hand side of train - Window. See #3

5) Two seater - either side -

Now comes the person preference:

A. Woman, quiet, not eating, small in frame

B. Woman, quiet, not eating, medium in frame

c. Man, quiet, not eating, small-medium in frame

d. Woman, quiet, not eating, large in frame

e. Man, quiet, not eating, large in frame

f. Woman, quiet, eating, small-medium, in frame

g. Man, quiet, eating, small-medium, in frame

h. Woman, talking on cell, small-medium in frame

i. Man, talking on cell, small-medium in frame

j. Woman, talking on cell, Large in frame

k. Man, talking on cell, Large in frame

6) Three Seater - Isle Seat - See person preference above

7) Three Seater - Middle - See person preference above but x2 because you are wedged between two people at this point and need to make a critical decision on where they stack on the preference.

If all of this wasn't complicated enough - WHERE the seat is located in the car also has importance. Generally, you want to be by the middle doors. You don't have to hear the constant slamming of the end doors but you are positioned to get off the train quickly when the time comes. (Another post for another day)

Now deciding on where to sit isn't for the faint of heart. This analysis needs to be done within seconds or you will be shoved to the side because someone else already ran the numbers and has their pick in site.

I wish you all a two seater, left side, window seat.

Gumball Hour

2008-01-18T12:21:00.000-05:00

The nightly commute is much worse than the morning commute. Instead of calling it Rush Hour, I will call it Gumball Hour.

Why?

This is how it works: Hundreds of people are crammed into the NJ Transit area all staring at the screens for their track. The second the track is displayed there is a mad rush to door. Try squeezing hundreds of people into the opening about 4 feet wide. Generally, most people take tiny little steps and shuffle through the door. It's a formula of space, pushing, and luck to get to go down the steps and onto the train - just like a gumball machine.

All this to 1) get the perfect seat and 2) not miss the train ...but this is a post for another day.

Buttery Hell

2008-01-17T09:44:00.000-05:00

I know the train ride is about an hour for most people and right before dinner but WHY WHY WHY must they eat something that has an odor to it? WHY?

The most common of stinky substance? Popcorn. For all of you out there – Unless you are eating it, you don’t want to smell it. It reeks. It fills up the entire train car with stench and everyone on the train with you is wishing you would finish up quickly or choke on a kernel.

The fine svelte specimen displayed on the left picture was taken a few days ago with my camera phone. Not only did he LOVE his popcorn, he made it a point that the seat, my seat, and the floor got a taste of it too. He then proceeded to use his pants as a napkin.

From now on, you may only eat a pretzel.

My name is Christina and I have Train Rage

2008-01-16T10:09:00.000-05:00

I posted this awhile ago on my blog on *Insert popular friend site here* but I thought I needed to start this off with it. So here it goes:

I have train rage.

-Maybe it's the hour train ride with another 45 minutes of walking, driving, and subway-ing that is driving me over the edge.

-Maybe I've been working in NY too long and I'm starting to get the NY attitude.

-Maybe everyone on the train is an inconsiderate a-hole that deserves to fall on the track.

I pick 3.

So I have a few questions for you out there:
1) Why must you scream into your cell phone so loud?
2) Why must the ring on your cell phone be set to air horn?
3) Why must the speaker volume on your cell phone be so loud that I can hear the caller's voice clear as day?
4) Why must you insist on wearing the WORST cologne and feel that bathing in it will hide your funk
5) Why must you shower, put your work clothes on, THEN decide to fry your food?
6) Why must the volume on your ipod be so loud that I'm getting jiggy with you too?
7) Why must you eat your garlic bagel next to me?
8) Why must you pass gas, burp, or pick your nose?
9) Why must you wait until the ticket collector is standing right in front of you to decide to reach in your back pocket and get your ticket out while elbowing me in the rib?
10) Why must you fall asleep and either snore in my face or start slumping towards me?

And finally:

Why must you do all of this why I boil inside and rehearse how I'm going to tell you off?